Hegseth Arrested for DUI After Crashing Tank Into Pentagon

[Zorro]

ARLINGTON, VA (The Borowitz Report)—Pete Hegseth’s tenure as Secretary of Defense got off to a wobbly start on Monday after he was arrested on suspicion of DUI for crashing an M1A2 Abrams Main Battle Tank into the Pentagon.

The arresting officer, Harland Dorrinson, arrived at the Pentagon shortly after receiving reports of a large battle tank making figure 8s in the parking lot.

Finding the smoldering Abrams protruding from the side of the building, Dorrinson said that Hegseth was “extremely combative when I asked him to step out of the tank.”

Hegseth was later booked, released, and driven home by Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/hegseth-arrested-for-dui-after-crashing

[gab13by13]

1. The Kavanaugh touch made me laugh out loud.

[patphil]

10. Yeah, me to.

Let me guess, they stopped off on the way for a beer or four at a local Hooters.

[boonecreek]

2. Welp, disappointed again.

I desperately wanted this to be real.

[LiberalArkie]

5. If it was real, we would have never heard about it.

[boonecreek]

14. Good point. nt.

[Emile]

3. Oh Jesus, that's hilarious 😂.

[rubbersole]

4. Brett and Pete boofing down the highway...

[Ford_Prefect]

6. A little too close to the truth IMO. Funny but far too likely.

[Sneederbunk]

7. This is what you get from a DUI hire.

[erronis]

8. You're almost as funny as Andy Borowitz. Kudos!

[Seinan Sensei]

12. Well-played Sneederbunk !!!

[AKwannabe]

9. Plausable tho! nt

[uponit7771]

11. omfg

[usaf-vet]

13. Not all the way home. First they stop at a strip bar to have a couple of cold beers.

[Emile]

15. released, and driven home by Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh.

LOL