Remembering Memory

[Not Heidi]

I have a problem memory - a seriously problem memory - which is due to six weeks of electro-convulsive therapy in 2023. I know it was in '23 because I couldn't remember whether my best friend,* Dale, had been at my 60th birthday bash that year. Of course he had, coming down from Portland, OR (to Orange Co., CA) to be with me and to be among my guests. But oh, how it killed me to have to ask him if he'd been there.

It's been especially bad to hear about a concert I "missed:" we saw Bette Midler in her Divine Intervention Tour at the Verizon Center in Washington, DC in 2015.

Kathy (my wife) and I watched The First Wives Club tonight, and after it ended, she said "I wish you remembered when we saw Bette Midler." I stared at the floor in disbelief, then began to cry. Kathy said "I shouldn't have told you." I don't remember what I said to her, besides disagreeing. I hope I didn't say something that hurt her.

I had no idea that I'd seen The Divine Miss M. 😢

The I missed another concert - Shawn Colvin's. Apparently I've seen her twice. I remember seeing her once, although I don't remember when or where. But to learn that I missed one of her shows was pretty rough on me because so much of her music moves me - her lyrics make their way into my heart and resonate there.

Have you experienced any thing that's cost you your memory?

* Fortunately, I will always remember that my other best friend, Lisa, from Maryland, had shocked my ass at the front door. That's when I learned she was coming to the bash. I had no idea. My family's very good at keeping secrets. I doubt I'd remember her being there if she hadn't shown up unannounced.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

1. "I wish you remembered" is a thoughtless careless thing to say to anyone with memory deficits

A brain scientist was talking about her mother with Alzheimers. She was constantly being asked "Does she recognize you?"

The speaker showed why that was the wrong question because, as she explained, her mother was just happy whenever she went to see her at the facility or go out on day trips.

Just being with each other was good enough for both. Memory tests or nagging about memories is not helpful, as your sweet OP illustrates.

[Skittles]

2. oh dear

I've always been very forgetful, so much so that I know my "senior moments" will be when I forget more eventful things.

Back in the 70's my dad had ECT and I remember visiting him in the hospital and he did not know who I was.

[Not Heidi]

3. Skittles . . .

I'm rarely one for giving advice, so take this with a grain of salt.

I hope that as you continue to age, your memory stays better than you expect.

[Skittles]

4. thanks, I hope so too

do you know if any of your previously lost memories have returned? Something maybe your friends or loved ones would notice

I know some of my dad's lost memories returned, some after years.

[Not Heidi]

5. I'm very glad to hear that

some of your dad's memories returned.

I don't know if any memories that have returned, but several long-ago memories remain: The births of my niece and two nephews; the seven years I spent singing with a chorus based in Long Beach, CA; the two years I spent working at a small coffee house in Long Beach. A lot more from the 20th century.

From the 21st, the memory I truly cherish is the defeat of the Giants at the hands of my Angels in the 2002 World Series. Aside from the births of my sisters' children and singing with that choir, that is the memory I'm most thankful for.