My ADHD paralysis is overwhelming
I am literally unable to accomplish anything!
Today especially. I had great plans because I got a good night's sleep and got up and felt great this morning but from the get-go I could not figure out what I wanted to do with myself. Did I want coffee or chai? Do I want breakfast or cereal or eggs.?
I've got this mental list of tasks that I need to accomplish. But I have no motivation and every time I try to sit down to do something I find myself just staring out the window aimlessly. I've gone and sat outside on the deck in the sun to try and get over it and then come back inside to do something and I just sit there. I don't know if menopause is what's making it worse, or if I am just being lazy. But I swear, another day down the drain it's 3:00 and I doubt that I'm going to pull my ass out of the fire anytime soon to get this day salvaged.
Part of me wants to go to the health food store and try to find some supplements to help my brain health, but I can't even motivate to put my clothes on and I do not want to go out in the tourists. I'd like to go down to my market and get some things that I forgot from the grocery store, but again, putting on clothes and actually driving somewhere seems overwhelming.
How the fuck do I break out of this?! I have so much to do, I've got to create and prepare for the upcoming Farmers market. I'd like to sweep off my front porch and clean it up for the spring. And now I've got a headache just thinking about it.ugh....i need to save myself from my own brain 🧠
= new reply since forum marked as read
Sorry to hear menopause is in the mix.
Most folks feel much better afyer getting on meds fof ADHD when they are needed.
Your doc should be able to rx just on the symptoms you telk them. They might have you fill out a brief screening instrument, but there is no test I'm aware of for ADHD. Clinical signs should be enough.
Good luck! Pls let us know what your doc says?
But I have to use the net some. I was never an internet evangelist. I thought (and still do) that everyone was online to waste time or occasionally get some useful info. Then open who aren’t are people like activists or journalists. Thats different. But ironically enough, now I am forced to use the web due to the lack of any meaningful hr or regulation or portal to file serious complaints.
I use DU and some other things I scan generally trusting them to not go in lousy directions.
And I seriously never got the social web. I get DU. This is an activist sort of place.
Just before Trumps inauguration last year, I was blissfully offline mostly for a few months (aside from continuing to scour the web for work or environmental info but not connection or communication) and I really enjoyed it. After that it all went to shit. Yesterday I ran outside for the first time since the inauguration and I went back to being fully vegan a few weeks ago. Now I am ready to start work.
I have a good feeling about at least this that the worst of it is over in some ways, though lots of shit ahead no doubt. But I have had a shittier time than is easy to convey and I am very glad to no longer suffer from Stockholm Syndrome wrt ..well anything.
I was never particularly entitled etc. but this is stupid.
My thoughts have been kind of confused. I do enjoy DU off and on like some of the web, it’s true. But it’s mainly a path to some activist pushback eventually.
My pov is that they are welcome to go accelerate, innovate or other bs away from my home, my street and (given a lot of what happened) away from my data and me. But not where it was and is this annoying. Too much of a time suck. Everyone here is retired. Real activists or honest journalists (like Yasha) that’s their profession. But the rest of it is just drivel these internet companies peddle and their bogus studies aren’t science.
I only buy studies of the good quality of which also isn’t blind about Google etc. The quality of work has to be good but also no double standards where it’s all “Awwwwww a wealthy tech creep is a creep. Booo you random loser”. Thats not a fair. In these squishier areas these guys are selling a lot of junk. I am too exasperated to put it in more sophisticated terms.
And so I want to keep a place at the table for that. Because the last 15 years have simply been too much of a nuisance and whatever sprouts off of it endlessly (with the rare exception of a documentary by Yasha Levine or DU or Current Affairs Mag -I have been thinking of writing to them .ie a few rare things) is just a nuisance and needs a legal fix. I don’t plan to cave one bit. Too annoying.
I am not trying my best to be a better scientist or a decent human being to delicately look the other way about this worthless dreck. It’s okay when it doesn’t invade my street or home or networks of people I know and trust. But not when it does. And it is an apophenia trap.
I have to go immerse myself in work. And my last employer is on notice. An awful school.
My mentor was nice enough, but if he wants to go “Awwww tech creeps”, he can do it. I am not doing it. I don’t find one damn thing cool or awesome about those creeps. Anyone with that much money and muscle could pull off some stuff. It’s not that impressive. In fact quite the reverse. And even worse is their totally bogus “self policing” and kayfabe. That’s not how science works.
And I loathe spectacles and that blatantly bogus contrarianism of people very much connected to those guys but then piously and performatively humping Retractionwatch or Internet sleuths or a collection of generally annoying and pompous people.
That’s not good science. That is the spectacle and it’s bullshit. Most of the scientists and doctors I have come across are decent and they neither need secretive crap nor this tabloid garbage that is anything internet ..breadcrumbs and gossip.
This is why everything is getting tabloid, dumbed down and reality show adjacent.
I don’t buy these people like Ioannidis or that annoying and sleazy science influencer Sabine Hossenfelder..who attack all their colleagues but never have a word to say about these oligarchs.
I actually liked most of my real world colleagues and most people irl. What I don’t like are these internet creeps. They are lords of the virtual world and douchebags in the real world and I don’t think that’s a good thing. Well ..presumably douchebags irl. I don’t want to find out ever. Going by everything I see, they are peopel to absolutely avoid and I disliked the one brush I had with the world and want to abort that and all their followed. It’s really stupid and annoying and nothing like science or life but thanks for giving me the opportunity to file a series of real world complaints with real activists who are closer to the leftists I like such as Lina Khan etc than these phonies like Tristan Harris or Tegmark or their analogs anywhere or
I will do my part and file every complaint I can and not cooperate at all. It’s one thing I can do for women, humans, the planet, democracy and science. If..I can, I will really do everything I can to pushback but without any rightish stuff. Don’t get that stuff.
I used to feel dubious thinking that seems so grandiose. And now I get it. it’s not that I am anything but average. It’s that they are that bad and it’s rare that their cults ever have the wrong kinds of people stumbling through them early on. And if one does, then they have the obligation to the rest of the community to report these creeps and their lightweight rot.
They must have mistaken me for another bogus eccentric. Rather than an “authentic crazy lady” 
.
It’s such lightweight fluff.. such banality of evil.
Those Qanon people are daft. That’s so not how these guys are. They are lightweight and ..it’s a nightmare to have to take them seriously. It’s like every piece of pop science (emotion ai, lie detection, bschool studies) that is dislikable and this expectation of submission to some obviously stupid and creepy people or a bullshitty theatrical thing that’s another time sucking disgrace.
I have rarely seen things that have so few positives. This shit shouldn’t be called science. Just as morality and creepiness are the two sides of the same coin, with these guys lightweight fluff and hardcore austere bullshit are coupled. They should be tarred and feathered and drummed out of science..those tech creeps ..that’s what their own idiotic Lonsdale approves off. Anyway this was really stupid and I have to go offline to do real work and later, after I finish a paper I am working on, I will figure out how to file every last complaint I plan to file.
No reason to worry if people aren’t creeps or frauds. So no scientists or doctors or people I know or engage with have any reason to worry. It’s not meant to be cryptic. It’s just stupid and lame.
I seriously go when I see drivel about rabbit holes and internet sleuths and breadcrumbs..anytime a bored person finds some rubbish online that intrigues such people..usually right leaning..But ridicule works better than guns.
Anyway..really stupid. This is a dumbed down global society..I knew it when I would see pop science like “Gossip is actually really good and has an evolutionary purpose!”
No it really isn’t and it doesn’t. And endless not or not tests.. This is pathetic.
Pretty much anyone I would like or respect would mock it. I have to go work.
Unless something changes. I am not this voluble. It’s kinda fracked out of me . Just now another asshole on a bike went by at 6:17 pm making as much noise as possible.
I sent in another police complaint. This is up here making it easy for the police or anyone else in a position of authority.
I have never had any mental health issues that were not entirely induced by these misogynists and predatory parasitic tech companies, their garbageware and encroachment into living and working spaces.
I don’t even need to organize so much as wrap up my work and get out. Trump 2.0, Roe v Wade dying etc has convinced me that only aggressive action will fix this.
I have decided to file complaints against the city, state and the govt in the Us where this started not to mention the host institution -especially the hospital. I am also filing complaints against the private sector companies and any hospitals involved here except my current hospital and my onc’s hospital.
I use marijuana medically and am very grateful to be able to buy modafinil from a responsible pharmacist known to our family for over 20 years. I normally go with the rules on medical stuff but I have not found anything helpful after my original adhd presc in 2009-2010. My last employer was truly loathsome and these creeps here are just unbearable.
And I don’t want to get involved with right wing or generally creepy bored people. I am filing complaints against the city, the state at least.
I hope my medical MJ company isn’t affected/
/
In the long run I have no doubt about being on the “right side of history”. None of this was my idea/
Looking in exasperation at this whole mess and these internet creeps and their pathetic ai and world domination ambitions.
The thing is none of the scientists or doctors I have ever seen are anything like these guys/ I saw this one Doctor Clayton Dalton and another science communicator Josh Silberg who are innocuous and seem cool or someone like Adam Becker is cool.
But in general these internet creeps of CS and their hangers on..they all like to talk and they don’t shut up and they don’t have anything worth listening to to say. If they do shut up it’s only because they are doing something sleazy and creepy.
I said from day 1 when I went to my last shithole of an employer ..when I caught on that it wasn’t a regular job that I wanted to leave/
I said it in a month/ I knew even then that this wa going to get super annoying and pointless and a lot of entirely worthless debate about every damn thing but simple stuff
My erudite sociological analysis has brought be to the conclusion that all these guys belong to one or more of the followinf sociological classes:
Creep; Bore (that’s all of them); generally sleazy; pompous and bombastic (contrarian); likes attention and for all the wrong reasons.
It’s one thing to want attention for a really well done piece of scientific work/ it’s another to go around being a giant nuisance and calling that funny and cool. My rocket exploded! They are not supposed to explode!
And that’s all these guys/ there methods are creepy and stupid and histrionic or brute force junk that splits your head. I hate all these people .
And I ..I am such a mediocre scientist and attacked as crazy for noticing simple and obvious shit like. You know we don’t need long discussions and analysis. It’s misogynistic,corrupt, creepy, conniving snd no one decent in science or outside sciencd functions like this
I myself got a headstart in the most shitty and sucky rubbish of no use to man or beast ever. And I also got a headstart in ways they attack one.
You know what. Go ahead. It will not stop me from filing a single damn complaint.
This is an affront to science, medicine, reality, democracy and pretty much any worthwhile thing. And legalization of marijuana, mental health, education, open science..nothing should be coupled with this fucking sloppy, lazy creepy awful trash and if you are online and not these unfortunate but hopefully not alarmed DUers (no it’s fine. It’s not anything. I am fine and not a bot or crazy. Just tired of trying to be polite about what looks like complete garbage& and irked by some fucking gadflies like that Curtis creep pr similar bore who shows up to be judge and jury or just stare slack jawed. It’s so annoying and it’s not lord of flies or yellow jackets as this stupid autocomplete suggests.
I don’t know what it is/ but this is why I disliked EECS and liked the natural sciences.
These Cs and economics creeps ..That Henry Murray personalities guy type should study them instead dissecting quiet scientists in the natural sciences who are nothing like this.
I have never come across peopel like these outside EECs and places like my last shithole (one of those MIT Harvard Stanford places..they only attract grandiose or generally annoying people. I don’t want to be their “DEI” plant which is an insult to diversity. I don’t want to “tell a story” because..who thinks like that?
I can’t tell you what a bad fit this was. It’s Solaris and every dystopian scifi bought to life but kinda lame and tacky and derivative because you are never ever ever going to know people who don’t want to get into these circuses.
It’s such a double edged thing/ you try to ev civil so it’s not the specstacl or a yet another sad podcast. My colleagues were nothing like this.
This is that type that’s more like those tech creeps. I didn’t even know that a concept like kayfabe existed. These are all sad and lame people/ I am reading Adam Becker’s book which I highly recommend and to an environmentalist, a real feminist (I lean Valerie Solanas..well minus the violence), a struggling scientist or any “not completely annoying person” it’s a punishment to be around these guys. To try to understand how they think and you instinctively get that they have huge egos. I reacted angrily at first and then later started fawning since I didn’t want to ..
Anyway, it’s not worth it. I am not going to bother with this. I will finish my paper and file all applicable complaints. I have nothing against my mentor or well..I have lots of things against him but it doesn’t rise to the level of a complaint. He is on the bridge between scientists I like (the far more common kind in physics/chemistry/biology/ecology) and those technology creeps. And he can go and buy into all that but I don’t want to. I think it is downright gullible to go and work with those creeps but he is welcome to, I won’t. And I am filing complaints/
I want to thank EarlG and cleverbot for tolerating me and now I have to go offline and try to remember who I was before these ghastly 14 years.
I have absolutely no penchant for this shit.
Another criminal noise polluting misogynist type on their damn bikes at 7:03 pm. Type 1 error or not, there’s a reason for it.
This is stupid.
These creeps have a bunch of data on some peopel they don’t know who don’t voluntarily talk to them and then analyze that to make up bs about mental health or personality ignoring the obvious.
And du and DUers are cool. Everyone here has to get past EarlG and MIRT so that’s good. I’ll be back in a year
It’s all embarassing ..to the tech creeps.
It was just uniformly creepy and annoying from where I stood and this is why I avoid technocrats/
These are the last people who should muck with the human brain and all their politics are junk.
I really hope irl I am not connected to all this..I hate so many people ..it’s not personal. It’s me not you.
Well except with any creeps actively bothering me
I want to file a criminal case against the creeps who drove by just again at 7:08 pm and every public official or data scientist or ai researcher or other predatory creep aware of or working with these creeps. I am filing a complaint with the police too/
You will “win” a nice “Turing test price” or whatever the fuck it is in terms of a solid harassment complaint against the whole crew.
Don’t pull this shit in places where acid attacks, stalking ans gangrape are not unheard of ans don’t bother with that men’s rights crap.
This whole thing should be aborted. All 14-15 years of it and laws built in so we have control over our data and private companies especially don’t and the state cannot prioritize creep rights and profit over decency.
Sorry DU had to see this. It’s not this place or the US. It’s not any stereotype. It’s the specific pathetic creepy men drawn to these things and these kleptocratic industries and the sleazy peopel in them.