Memorial Day Weekend.

[OldBaldy1701E]

It used to be a big thing, as in the band would have gigs, we would usually be at the beach somewhere, and would be living as only crazy rockers can.

Now, I sit here alone while my husband works his butt off. We are drowning and will have an interesting few weeks ahead as I cannot afford certain medications and cannot afford to go have my failing back looked at, nor can I find out more about this pain in my side. I could be immobile before the weekend is out if I cannot seek out some help as to what is going on and what can be done about it. (Which is nothing, as I am not rich.)

Healthcare is for the rich anyway, so I might as well just accept that my time is ending and figure out what to do about those things I want to give to others. I am not sure if we can even afford to keep the car running for these next two weeks.

But, this is what our society wanted. One would think they would at least be more accepting of the fact that some of us just cannot survive any longer. There is nothing more ironic and hysterical than the fact that, if you attempt ending your life and succeed, then that is that. If you attempt it and fail, you risk being arrested for the attempt.

Arrested. For being so distraught and worthless that one sees no other way out.

THAT is modern 'justice' in this country. They cannot allow their workers to 'check out', so they make sure to scare people with the idea of attempting it, as opposed to helping those who are in this situation (probably because most of the time, the bad situation that people are trying to escape is created by same society that is telling us not to leave it).

Well, we will see how the next few weeks go. I will be out of some meds by next week. With any luck, that will finally do the trick.

[questionseverything]

1. I'm sorry you're going through this, did you lose your Medicaid?

My daughter’s house has 5 people, 4 were receiving Medicaid and 5 got food stamps now with the republicans’ cuts 3 get to keep their Medicaid and 2 get a very reduced food stamp benefit, it’s devastating as my grandson has diabetes.

[OldBaldy1701E]

2. I don't have it.

I doubt I could get it, thanks to a ridiculous figure that they maintain is enough to survive on.

I tried twice, with attorneys and everything, to get Social Security Disability. After the second attempt, they admit that I am disabled, but they say that since my husband makes more than the laughable amount they set for the cutoff, they won't do anything about it.

Now, this nation is about to collapse, and trying to find any aid is a joke. Everyone is trying to make sure their homes and families will be safe and so on, without understanding what is going to happen, should things proceed as they are going.

So far, my track record for being involved with things that end as soon as I get involved is now a very staggering reality. I have ended three bands just by joining them. I have done multiple television pilots and so on that never saw the light of day, even as everyone talked about how good the projects were. My husband was a wonderful person with a 'hippie' like attitude about everything, now his hair is turning white and he is little more than a living statue because of all the pressures my condition and the fact that no one wants anything to do with me. My very existence is little more than a harbinger. I did not want this, but I learned a long time ago that absolutely no one cares about what I want, even if what I want would make things so much better for everyone.

The lack of focus on removing the blight that is the current regime is proof enough that we may get rid of the current crop of idiots in our government, but we won't get rid of what caused this to happen. So, it will happen again, and again. For lowly peons like myself, that means we will NEVER be more than cannon fodder and that is just the way the wealthy want it to be.

I am tired of fighting a losing battle. It was that from the beginning, even though they really shoved that propaganda down my throat to convince me that it was not.

Fuck it all.