Spurious News: Trump contracts with shipyard to build his battleship without consent of Congress! [View all]
PALM BEACH, FLA (Spurious News Network) --- King Donald Trump has announced the shipyard that will build the new "Trump Class" battleships.
"No other shipyard in the world has the capabilities of Baltic Shipyard in St. Petersburg, Russia," said King Donald. "They are the only logical choice for building these ships."
Congress was not consulted, but has no problem with his choice. Senator Roger Wicker (R-Mississippi) said, "President Trump knows more about this than anyone. If he says the ships need to be built in Russia, we are not entitled to question his decision." The largest employer in Senator Wicker's state is Ingalls Shipbuilding, a shipyard fully capable of building Trump-class ships.
A spokesperson for Baltic Shipyard was pleased with Trump's decision. "We have never before built a ship for the United States Navy, and we're looking forward to it. The Trump Class ships will feature many new technologies, including one where we roll out plastic explosives in one-centimeter-thick sheets and place them under the ship's skin, so that if the ship is ever used against Russian interests we can sink it from Moscow without endangering our own people."
Baltic Shipyard will be paid $25 billion for each ship. However, they will only cost $10 billion to build. "We thought you'd ask. Fifteen billion dollars will be paid to President Trump as a finder's fee, and ten billion will go to our shipyard's leadership."
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