The DU Lounge

Pinback

(13,215 posts)

33. I'm very good at tallying my regrets

Thu Apr 17, 2025, 06:40 PM

Apr 17

— especially at 4 a.m.

Over the years I’ve tried to focus on gratitude for my many instances of good luck (including narrowly avoiding certain death at least four times that I can remember).

I am also grateful for all the times I dodged the temptation to do something wrong, stupid, or destructive and instead practiced restraint.

I don’t mean to hijack your thread, and I hope this response doesn’t come across as sanctimonious, but this is the way I see it.

Even the things I strongly regret missing out on could well have been disasters if I’d gotten what I wanted at the time. Not getting the girl(s) of my dreams to fall for me? Failing to pursue the hot job or go to the right school? Not traveling here or there, not learning this or that language? Sure.

But I think I agree with the writer George Saunders, who said his greatest regrets are about times he failed to be as kind as he could have been. This blog post by James Clear includes a transcript of his remarkable 2013 Syracuse University commencement speech elaborating on this thought:
https://jamesclear.com/great-speeches/failures-of-kindness-by-george-saunders

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

2 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

NNadir kcoates

60 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Do you have any regrets in life? [View all] bif Apr 17 OP

Its about a girl. DiverDave Apr 17 #1

I'm an atheist but I nonetheless live by an axiom put forth... NNadir Apr 17 #18

I did get DiverDave Apr 17 #24

That's absolutely adorable DiverDave. JMCKUSICK Apr 18 #52

I wish I had bought the lotto ticket, from the numbers Bluethroughu Apr 17 #2

I'm glad that things worked out for you... skypilot Apr 17 #25

I was depressed for two years... Bluethroughu Apr 17 #44

oh yes,,,, many,,,, KarenS Apr 17 #3

Me too! Beatlelvr Apr 17 #7

Lot's and lot's of regrets. Mostly people i didn't stay closer to and places i didn't go. Srkdqltr Apr 17 #4

Plenty. (nt) Paladin Apr 17 #5

I regret the way I treated some people when I was younger. Mad_Dem_X Apr 17 #6

This is it for me as well True Dough Apr 17 #13

I was going to post something similar, same regrets about being mean to others. Been bullied as well as a kid. Dave Bowman Apr 17 #27

Nope. In a good place now and multigraincracker Apr 17 #8

Thats true. Never know if one thing changes how everything will change. Srkdqltr Apr 17 #21

I regret I was not able to temper my ambition with FalloutShelter Apr 17 #9

Male professors talked me out of majoring in Geology when I was a freshman in college. catbyte Apr 17 #10

Any regrets I have are offset by the fact of a somewhat random event in the life I led. NNadir Apr 17 #11

A few as I tend not to think about what might have been. MichMan Apr 17 #12

I regret I stayed in Ohio samplegirl Apr 17 #14

Yes moving to Florida in 1979, should have stayed in Connecticut TommieMommy Apr 17 #15

Doesn't everyone? redstatebluegirl Apr 17 #16

If I could go back in time and change anything i would have Rustynaerduwell Apr 17 #17

Hell, I remember some bad calls I made umpiring Little League baseball games... Wounded Bear Apr 17 #19

A pile of them, too many to list here CanonRay Apr 17 #20

Yes, of course. Fla Dem Apr 17 #22

To this day, I regret not running over phyllis schlafly when I had the chance. niyad Apr 17 #23

Got transferred by my employer to Texas in '74. I had a choice between Texas and Oregon. walkingman Apr 17 #26

Not really. I'm one with the belief that the life you do end up living is the one you were meant to live. SWBTATTReg Apr 17 #28

Ha!!!!!!!! snowybirdie Apr 17 #29

I regret not having the courage to be myself as a child. surrealAmerican Apr 17 #30

🤗🤗🤗💙💙💙 LiberalLoner Apr 17 #39

I don't recall a single meaningful conversation JMCKUSICK Apr 18 #53

No regrets. Amazed I've made it stillcool Apr 17 #31

I regret the time and energy I foolishly spent trying to impress other people. Midnight Writer Apr 17 #32

I'm very good at tallying my regrets Pinback Apr 17 #33

Thank you for that. It was beautiful. n/t. NNadir Apr 17 #47

I regret not taking more risks Diraven Apr 17 #34

I wish I had learned to play a musical instrument. Dulcinea Apr 17 #35

May I suggest the cajon? Pinback Apr 17 #41

Go take lessons. Eko Apr 17 #46

Marrying my first husband because all my friends from college were getting married kimbutgar Apr 17 #36

I also regret marrying my first husband . yellowdogintexas Apr 20 #58

First, I should have voted 23,000 times for Hillary in the swing states in the 2016 election surfered Apr 17 #37

So many regrets. I wish I had spent more time with my Mom and I am sorry for every time I made her sad as a kid. LiberalLoner Apr 17 #38

Not quitting school at 16 to get a GED and start college at 17 Comrade Citizen Apr 17 #40

I regret not having my son's back enough. Clouds Passing Apr 17 #42

] should never have married. rickyhall Apr 17 #43

I wish I loved everyone more. Eko Apr 17 #45

Too many regrets to enumerate here... LudwigPastorius Apr 18 #48

Can't think of any at the moment LogDog75 Apr 18 #49

Thankfully No ProfessorGAC Apr 18 #50

I wish UpInArms Apr 18 #51

Yep. k_buddy762 Apr 18 #54

Probably a thousand or more. OldBaldy1701E Apr 18 #55

Yes. My life. nt. Dem2theMax Apr 19 #56

I try not to dwell on things I can't change and I've lived a long, long life... CTyankee Apr 19 #57

I graduated college in 3 years. I wish I had done it the regular way yellowdogintexas Apr 20 #59

The big one (of many other big ones) haha Prairie_Seagull Apr 21 #60