facing my addictions [View all]
I hope this isn't TL;DR. I hope you'll be interested.
On May 6 I started on Medifast, a medically-supervised semi-fast of about 1000 cal per day. I am morbidly obese and was used to probably 2500-3000 per day. The first 3-4 weeks breezed by; I thought it was easy.
But the longer I stay on it, the harder it gets. It's amazing how much easier it got when I turned to rum. It was easier to stop my craving for a real lunch when I realized I could drink when I got home.
I drank right out of the bottle, and hid my drinking from my wife. I drank in the master bathroom, from the liter hidden under the sink or the pint in my night table drawer. I drank between a half pint and a pint almost every night. And my wife didn't know.
I liked drinking and wasn't ashamed of it. I was very ashamed of hiding it from my wife, so yesterday I told her. She wasn't mad, or even hurt. She's very even-keeled, and she reminded me that she understands addiction.
So because I won't hide it from her, I won't be drinking anymore.
And now that I can't, both addictions are burying me, with food being by far the worst. I used to go to OA (a lifetime ago) and quickly realized that the AA/NA model does not work for compulsive over-eating. It would be easier to overcome if, like alcohol, my body didn't need food. If I could stop eating altogether . . . but I can't.
TL;DR. Thanks for staying with me.
Do you have any thoughts?
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