You sound like such a good person, you don’t deserve any of the abuse you got and I’m sorry it had to happen to you. It’s a credit to your strength and emotional maturity that you’re doing as well as you are.
Please know we all love and support you here. 
I didn’t have the greatest childhood memories of Christmas either or any other time when I became an adult. When my father passed away we were not on speaking terms and that always bothers me. And my mother said many strange and mean things to me and it was only until after she was gone that I understood it was from dementia but at the time I didn’t understand and it felt very hurtful. When I got married and walked down the aisle everyone turned around to look at me except my mother, she sat with her back to me staring straight ahead still as a stone. Many years later I asked her why she couldn’t be happy for me on my wedding day and she replied she didn’t know why, she just couldn’t. I always envied people who had parents who were their biggest supporters and cheerleaders and best friends. I guess those of us who didn’t have survived in spite of it, but gosh don’t the holidays trigger us. I think you did the right thing cutting them out of your life. Just my two cents. Hugs to you.
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