Mental Health Support

ShazzieB

(20,686 posts)

7. My mother blew hot and cold.

Wed Apr 9, 2025, 07:42 PM

Apr 9

By that, I mean she could be affectionate and lavish with praise at times but harshly critical at other times. Parents don't realize just how deeply what they say can go - in both directions.

I always knew she loved me, but she made my life difficult in a number of ways she was not aware of. For example, she was extremely extroverted, made friends easily, and loved being around people, while I was an introvert with few friends who enjoyed solitary pursuits like reading. She could not understand my introversion and acted like it was some kind of personality defect.

High school was the worst, because I didn't date (not by choice - no one ever asked me out, and back then, girls did NOT ask boys out). I really don't think she intended to make me feel ashamed of my shyness and my social awkwardness, but she managed to do exactly that. I think she really believed being an introvert was a flaw in my personality that I could change if I just tried, and her attitude convinced me that there was something wrong with me.

It was decades before I learned that some people just are introverts, that it's the way some of us are wired and not something to be ashamed of. That didn't happen until after she died, and by that that time, the days of her trying to make me into an extravert were long gone. I'm sure she would be shocked to learn the impact her attitude toward my introversion had on me.

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FirstLight Clouds Passing

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Highlight:

Discovery From My Past. [View all] BlueKota Apr 9 OP

Forgiveness and forgetting are two separate things UpInArms Apr 9 #1

Thank you so much! BlueKota Apr 9 #4

My therapist talked to me about forgiveness synni Apr 9 #2

Thank you. BlueKota Apr 9 #5

You didn't deserve that BluKota... Clouds Passing Apr 9 #3

Thank you! BlueKota Apr 9 #6

I agree with Clouds Passing. ShazzieB Apr 9 #9

I think the mother daughter relationships BlueKota Apr 9 #13

It takes years of trauma therapy to reach a point of feeling like we do deserve to be here Clouds Passing Apr 10 #16

My mother blew hot and cold. ShazzieB Apr 9 #7

I feel you, FirstLight Apr 9 #11

It's hard when your family doesn't understand BlueKota Apr 9 #14

I am sorry that you went through that. UniqueUserName Apr 9 #8

Mostly I said it that way BlueKota Apr 9 #12

BlueKota, you write so well. UniqueUserName Apr 10 #15

We are born this way. Clouds Passing Apr 10 #17

That, and each individual has different experiences and influences BlueKota Apr 10 #20

I had to learn how to have my own back, no one else would. Clouds Passing Apr 10 #21

Thank you. BlueKota Apr 10 #18

So much of our parents is a product of their generation FirstLight Apr 9 #10

There are definitely teachers who should have BlueKota Apr 10 #19

When I read 'The Taming Of The Shrew' in the fifth grade, I thought it was written about my mother. (n/t) OldBaldy1701E Apr 10 #22

It's difficult when Mom's are like that. BlueKota Apr 12 #23