My baby died almost 3 years ago but I am just as sad as the day she died. I thought I was all cried out but 2 weeks ago I saw pictures of where we went on vacation and I started crying. And not just any crying but the kind where I couldn't stand up and was dehydrated and leaving wet puddles on the carpet for over an hour. Everyone's grieving process is different. Don't expect to grieve like others do and don't be hard on yourself for feeling pain.
I have felt better after listening to people who had near death experiences and tons of people see their pets (all their pets in their lives) and they are young, happy, playing and they remember you. I think this is one of the main reasons why I don't care if I die or not since I believe that this could be true. I think something happens after you die and I am an atheist. Something happens that we don't understand (yet) but that doesn't mean they are real. People who experience this first hand have no doubt since their experiences were very clear. I have also been visited by both my dogs after they died and my dad too. So I have my own weird experiences and they are very, very clear and real. So do a lot of people do, I have since learned, but don't want to say what they experienced since others will say they are nuts. A lot of people who are in hospice care see their pets before they die too. I think your consciousness level has to be a part in it.