A thousand times the love they receive. You are truly blessed to have so many loving beings in your home who return the love you give them in ways only they can provide.
Let that love lift you to better spirits, the past has already happened, for good or ill, the best you can do is acknowledge the pain and start taking steps forward to move away from the pain. The kitties will give you much of the love and comfort you need right now, immerse yourself in that as it is one of the greatest healing options around.
This is a hard time for me too, so many passing at this time of year for me too. The one that gets me the most is my sister's suicide about seven years ago, that one still stings real hard. I know why she did it and don't blame her for her choice, I just wish her life hadn't been so miserable. My parents inflicted serious, life-destroying damage on every one of their offspring and some of their children too. I deal with it by trying to occupy my days with busywork, it usually helps.
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