aging love.

[mopinko]

so, i'm 67, divorced, and quite sick of being alone.
the last couple years, i've formed a very affectionate friendship w a 50 yo man. i've flirted w him quite a bit. about a month ago, i was at his place for a couple hours, and we ended up making out on his couch.
afterward he freaked out. 'it was a big mistake'.
now, i assumed my age was at least a part of that, but he pretty much clammed up, asked me to let it go. so i have to guess. it looked for a while like the friendship was screwed, but i refused to 'let it go' as much as i could and we're back on track.

well, for reasons, he set me up w a friend. now, this guy is nothing like him, but a lot like my ex. he's not interested anyway, as he's already in a relationship w a younger woman that he has high hopes for.
the only thing i have in common w this guy is our age. he's 68. but he feels like a geezer to me.
i'm forced to conclude that this silliness is all about a number, period.
i'm frankly shocked because he doesnt have another -ism to his name.

and there it is- ageism's first big blow. i'm sick and fuming.
this feels like a stupid post to make. but imma post it anyway.
i try not to rail at the fates about where i am in life right now. there's a lot of good and bad. but this one just makes me want to howl at the moon.