What did you "get" for Christmas?

[Remember Me]

32. I received a remarkable lesson, kinda humbling

My ex-husband (my son's father) and his 3rd wife and her 8-yr. old grandson for whom they have custody since his mother is still apparently an addict, are here. Frankly, the man caused me enough grief before, during and after the divorce that I really didn't want to see him. BUT, they're here for a long time -- from the week before Thanksgiving to mid-January. I ended up caving enough to invite them over for "dessert" on Thanksgiving but they declined because they thought the boy might be disruptive.

He came over one morning with my son, and not realizing it, I went outside and saw him. We all lived through it.

After t hat, my son invited us over for Christmas and I knew I was trapped. No way out. (Normally, I cook - blech -- and my son and his wife come eat with us.)

So, we went. I took some desserts and token gifts for people, and a nice little gift for the boy. And it was all very pleasant. The food was okay -- quite a spread and my ex-husband basically did it all, with only minor help from others.

We all had a chance to talk and I learned what he's been through. This former Army Infantry officer, Ranger and all that, got prostrate cancer and the Army nearly killed him from the surgery -- he was paralyzed for 2 years and had to "regrow" his leg muscles and he lost some brain function from oxygen deprivation during the surgery... and then his mother was sick with Alzheimer's and he did a lot to care for her. And somewhere along the line lost his real estate business and so had to go through bankruptcy. And after his mother died he got his Nursing Assistant certificate and spent time working in small group homes with elderly patients.

I said, "I never would have thought of you as a caregiver...??" He said the 2 years disabled changed his mind a lot about that issue whereas before he was a hardass about people not being able to do things, thinking they just weren't trying hard enough. And there was no money in the work as a nursing assistant ($9/hr), but it was tremendously rewarding, "just to see them smile." At which point he teared up.

His wife seems very nice, and the boy is darling and was perfectly well-behaved while we were there.

So, I'm left with shock and awe over how incredibly ignorant of me it was to imagine that people don't/can't/couldn't/wouldn't change in 20 or more years (since I last saw him at my son't h.s.graduation), with the potential to change profoundly!! And how miserly I was -- how much I cheated myself (as well as everyone else) in closing my heart off to that possibility, and to the potential for warmth and friendship -- and forgiveness. Oh, yes, forgiveness.

I am so very sorry.

So clearly, it was a very beautiful Christmas, if rather humbling.