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I am really sorry to hear about your loss. He was not being honest with you; he lied and cheated on you, and it makes no difference whether you were legally married or not.
What he did to you is not your fault. It is his.
If you can, I would suggest you get some counseling. A good therapist can help you see what is happening, and can really help you get back your self esteem.
You need to find out why he was so attractive to you, and how to avoid anyone who would lie and cheat you this way.
Welcome to DU...this is a good place...
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