The "bad sex" threads in GD

[Ms. Toad]

I don't want to start a discussion in those threads, because it would turn into a flamefest. But because I have encountered women with similar experiences to those shared by Ms. March (writing as Delaney Anderson) in an earlier article (major trigger warnings), and I want to make sure that women or or men with such experiences aren't tossed under the bus along with the justified outrage at those two articles.

I spent a decade as a peer counselor at a rape crisis center, and some of the most challenging emotional situations to cope with came from family rape (or rape by an older trusted adult) in which the acts of rape or sexual abuse were physically gentle, and the survivor's bodies betrayed them by responding sexually - and those times of non-painful physical touch were often the only contact they had with the adult perpetrator that didn't hurt physically (because sexually abusive homes are also often physically abusive). The physical contact often started at an age when the survivor had no context to know it was inappropriate and may have progressed gradually, starting with minor boundary transgressions such as playful tickling in neutral areas morphing to sexual areas) The longer it went on, the younger it was when the rapist began the contact, the more tangled this twisted emotional link often became between rape/sexual assault, body betrayal, and pleasant physical sensations. The women I encountered who had these experiences often felt as if they must have encouraged it or wanted it (even more than is typical) because why else would their bodies have responded that way? They often had incredible challenges as adults naming abusive behavior because it was so hard to untangle the wiring that early abuse created. (And you may imagine I believe that part of what is going on in the second article).

At any rate, there are some really strong condemnations of Ms. March's first article - and I just wanted to share my view that this space should be a supportive corner even of DU even if part of you resonates with some of what Ms. March expressed in her first article.