how can i help my son?

[mopinko]

6. thank you.

this year brought me much self reflection, not least of which is grappling w my failures as a mom.
i have rejected guilt, i did my best. i was in poor health, going from doc to doc, for nothing.
but i have regrets. a different animal. i've apologized to all of them for my failings, but now it's up to them.

another part of that reflection has been on my relationship w my da. a failed genius. someone i grew afraid of, which turned to hate. but we were so close when i was little, and he gave me so many gifts that enrich my life every day.
i've tried to make a point to them that if they can just not judge me, they can truly own the gifts i gave to them. that i passed down to them from all my ancestors. until they do that, they cant rly own them. they grudgingly admit to some of it, like i often did.
but that's up to them.

if it werent for the plague, i could reach out irl. i do have a friend who was molested by a priest. he knows the kid, too. but i cant figure out how to connect them. maybe that is an effort worth undertaking.
it feels wrong to share his story w others, tho. it's not my story to tell.
i did tell the family. but others? seems wrong. afaik, i'm the only one he ever told.
he swears i didnt believe him when he told me, but i did. i knew when he told me when it happened. i remember a big fight w this family, and a message he wrote on a garage door- joel is a faggot. i recognized the handwriting. i kick myself that i said nothing at the time.