I recently spent about a decade taking care of my parents and parents-in-law (along with my husband). They all died in their late eighties and late nineties, and we are now 70.
I sense so much agitation in most of your posts, with your mother and father essentially driving you crazy with their demands, and you feeling as if your efforts are unappreciated and your own schedule and needs are not taken into account.
In most of your posts, it seems as if you are feeling that they are taking over your life, that they feel they have the right to make use of your life, and that your wishes and needs simply do not seem real to them at all. I am extremely familiar with this feeling. I actually believe that the feeling of lack of autonomy can be traumatic to the care-giver, the feeling that the people you are taking care of have completely taken over your life. You are just starting out at the beginning of this journey.
I don't have any actual advice to give you, but I do hope that you can take time to seriously consider your situation. You often express the feeling that your own health is being threatened by your parents' demands. You have to think carefully about how much you are going to be able to do. It's very hard to do this while the demands are coming at you incessantly, but you have to do this.
Do not let yourself be simply overtaken. Think and plan. Talk to other family members and express to them what effect this is having on you. They must understand that they can't simply assume you will "do everything."
You have no idea how long this will go on. It could be decades. Very good advice to see an elder-care attorney if you can. Talk to everyone involved, even if they don't want to talk about it. And think carefully about how much you can actually do by yourself. This will be a gift to your parents, even if they never know it.
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