tells me almost every day she's been praying to die. And, given her age and health conditions, I believe her.
Try not to worry too much about what will happen in the future. If your parents die and leave an estate, then you can hire an accountant and a lawyer to help you with that. There are paperback books that can lead you through the process. Most people who have to do this know nothing about how to handle a parent's estate the first time around. But we all figure it out, one way or another. So will you.
All you need now are three documents, and you find them online (or hire an attorney if you prefer). (1) Your parents might want to sign a Medical Directive (also known as a Living Will), expressing their preferences about medical treatment they do or don't want to receive. (2) Each of your parents should sign a Medical Power of Attorney giving each other, you, and/or your sister the right to make medical decisions on his or her behalf if the parent cannot. And (3) your parents should sign a Durable Power of Attorney giving you and/or your sister the right to handle their financial affairs if they both become incapacitated. That way you could pay their bills for them if need be.
Your parents, especially your father, sound very controlling -- as if they have taught you that you cannot exist without them. But that isn't true. You can. And you don't have to and shouldn't make yourself sick trying to make them happy. You can't make them happy. It's up to them how they choose to feel.
There are support groups for people dealing with issues of elder-care, often sponsored by hospitals. I urge you to find one and make use of it. You aren't alone. Other people are going through this too, and you can help each other. Good luck!
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