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Elder-caregivers

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Takket

(22,709 posts)
Sat Aug 27, 2022, 11:14 PM Aug 2022

Anyone know about "wards of the state" [View all]

I have a potential issue coming and I'm not sure what is going to become of it.........

My brother in law is 44. He lives with his mother, who is in her 70s. They live in a large home, all paid off. The mother pays for everything out of her social security. He has a heart condition and is under medical orders not to do anything physically taxing, no lifting, etc... but even before that, he has never worked a day in his life. He spends all day on the internet reading nonsense (he's an anti-vaxxer, trumper, etc...) He can't even make a can of soup or tie his shoes. his mother just does everything for him. how they got to that point is a LONG story, not really relevant to my question.

I'm married to his sister. MY wife (his sister) is third of four children. He is fourth child. Father and second child have passed away. First child lives in Alabama. Everyone else lives in Michigan (myself, wife, brother in law and mother in law).

My wife is disabled and in no position to be a caregiver (she can't drive, I take care of her).

I'm terrified because my mother in law isn't going to live forever. What will happen to my brother in law if she dies? He has no income or competence to handle paying taxes or utilities even though the house is completely paid off. My wife and I have our own mortgage and we have neither the space nor the assets to take on another person in the home. and frankly living him would probably kill us. He is argumentative and aggressive. He is impossible to be around.

What would become of him if my mother in law dies? Would he become a ward of the state, or would we be expected to take him in? could a court order something like that? I can't do it. it would ruin our lives. And what about the eldest sister, in Alabama. Could he be sent there?

He would certainly have SOME assets in that they could sell the house. The house is probably worth 300-400k. I would be perfectly happy to liquidate it, set him up in a one bedroom apartment near a grocery store, and wish him all the best living off that cash for as long as he can.

I know this will likely need to be discussed with a lawyer at some point, but curious if any of you out there have any experience with this sort of thing.

My mother in law has asked me to be on the deed of the house to ensure ownership is transferred if she dies but I just am AFRAID to do it because i know my brother in law will just expect me to keep it going for him, and i cannot possibly budget paying all the bills to keep that house in order.

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